I have had the pleasure of knowing Paul, on and shaved off, for the past thirty years. I have grown to love him and we have become inseparable. I am honoured to have shared his top lip and together we have had numerous adventures.

I gather before he chose me he toyed with the idea of creating either the ‘Charlie Chaplin’ or the ‘Private Walker’ or the ‘Captain Mainwaring’ from Dads Army. Thankfully he picked me, the ‘Tom Selleck Magnum P.I .’ circa 1977. Being his furry philtrum friend, I have had intimate joint experiences with Paul.

I have looked over the steering wheel of his classic car of choice, his Jaguar XJR in awe... and that he never drove over the boundary line of Ipswich. I would be distorted by the G-Force as he would regularly ‘open her up’ at 25 miles an hour along the Sproughton Road to Morrisons.

I have joined in his passion for food, filtering remnants aimed for his mouth like a sperm whale sieving for plankton.

I will miss his Aunt Bessies Yorkshires, salmon vol-au-vents and suet puddings. His love for fragrant cheeses left me with stagnant crumbs that put off the relatives.

I have sampled many alcoholic beverages; I am an expert on beer, whisky and cider, my outer edges curling at the Strongbow regularly drunk home and away.

Paul introduced me to many interesting characters in his search for a relaxing drink, a bloke called Thomas Wolsey, some Cricketers, an Inkerman, a Golden Lion, a Spread Eagle, a Greyhound, a Black Horse and some Cock and Pye. It was one of these that got me the lead role in a Southern Comfort TV ad a few years ago.

I have been kissed on numerous occasions. Apart from his darling wife Sue, I have had wet tongues from a couple of black and hairy friends Max and Jazz and together we have kissed numerous Ipswich Town programmes, betting slips, crosswords and lottery tickets.
My shape was constantly distorted.

Paul’s smile and laugh straightened my hairy form on numerous occasions every day. Everyone he met caused his mouth to curl and I would be deafened by his laugh.

Over the years I have grown grey with Paul and when I looked down my furry friend chest hair (or Alvin Stardust circa 1974) became greyer too. Incidentally I steadily lost sight of the poker in the fireplace as the mantel shelf got larger and larger.

I have now passed the bushy baton onto the next generation of the Kusionowicz hirsute. Apart from Kim and Bernie my hairiest relative is Joseph who has developed his own distinctive facial family, a mix of ZZ top circa 1983 and Marouane Fellaini. Good luck Joe you will have friends for life.

Thankyou Paul for supporting me through the years and I am so proud to have been your Tash of Honour. I will miss you so much.